30 is the perfect time to look back on regrets and laugh them off. Thirty is also the perfect time to look forward to dreams and being serious about achieving them.
I woke up this morning and suddenly I was 30 years old. Wow. Just a few short years ago I was graduating high school, planning my wedding, preparing for the birth of my children, and just as quickly…going through the motions of a divorce. I’ve spent the last five years of my single parenthood searching for the strong woman that dwells inside me. It took a long while, but this is what I’ve discovered over the last five years:
1- Every day is a gift. Yes, we hear it all the time, but how many of you actually believe it? If you believe it, then are you living as if it were?
2- Count your blessings. It is easy to remember all the terrible things that occur in our lives (toys flushed down the toilet or lampshades broken by footballs) and yet we are so quick to forget all the wonderful things that exist amongst that chaos. My children are my blessings. My family loves me. My boyfriend cherishes me. I have a job. My friends support me. We are all healthy. Those are the things that truly count.
3- Prayer is food for the soul. Learn to pray. Don’t ASK the big guy to give you anything. Instead, ask for the strength and patience to get through life and to be guided to that which you are destined to do. Believe that all things happen for a reason and that each obstacle is but a stepping stone on your path in life. Pray for clarity. For health. Remember to pray for others. A simple prayer can often do so much for a person in need that has forgotten how to pray themselves. It took me a long time to understand this, but I get it now.
4- Smile. Laugh. It doesn’t matter the reason. It doesn’t depend on the weather or current events. Find it in yourself to smile. When you smile, the whole world smiles back. Laughter is contagious. Is nothing better than the laughter that makes your stomach ache and causes your eyes to fill with tears? Think about it and then watch this.
5- Be kind. For God’s sake, be kind to one another. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has their faults- yes, you and myself included. If someone is rude to you or passes judgement, find the strength to not be rude in return. It takes a bigger and stronger person to walk away then to stoop down to their level. Good people LIFT others. Weak people put others down in order to inflate themselves. I struggle with this at times and often have to pause and rethink what it is I’m saying or about to do. There is enough hurt in the world- try not to be the cause of more.
6- Work Hard. Play Hard. Give your work your all. DON’T SLACK! I don’t care what job you have, if it is a job you accepted it is now your responsibility to take ownership over it. Knowing you gave something your all is a reward in itself. After the work is done, make time for play. When was the last time you danced in the rain? Splashed in a puddle? Built a fort? Had a pillow fight? Played a game of tag, basketball, or soccer? The answer is probably too long. Just because you are an adult it doesn’t mean that we have to stop playing. As a matter of fact, the opposite is true. As adults, we stop playing because we feel like we have to be a grown up 100% of the time. No, as adults we need to set aside time to play, to live, and to be free from our responsibilities. You know, give ourselves some time to decompress. This doesn’t make you irresponsible, it makes you well rounded. Find the balance between work and play. Find what it is that you love to do and DO IT!
7- Love. As painful as love might be, it brings such joy and warmth to the heart. Do not fear it. I don’t care how many times it happens, but allow yourself to fall in love. If things don’t work, accept the hurt that follows. Grow from love. Out of these times comes numerous opportunities to learn about other, but ultimately oneself. Then do it all over again.
8- Let go. There comes a time that we must let all things go. Whether it is letting go of some control over our children as they grow, saying goodbye to a loved one, or moving on from a friendship, relationship, or job…we all must let go at one point or another. Trust your instincts. Have faith. Be supportive. All things work out in the end.
9- Be selfless. Last year I vowed to make the year leading up to my 30th birthday one of sacrifice and dedication to my community. I’ve participated in food drives, fundraisers, ran for charities, participated in Hurricane Sandy clean up, bought breakfast for strangers, volunteered at the church, returned a lost dog…just random acts of kindness that many don’t have any idea that I did. Find it in yourself to do something good for another person. Paying for their .99 cup of coffee and a simple, “Have a nice day!” can do so much for them. Hold the door for a stranger. Help someone pick up their items that fell to the floor. Assist an elderly person in coming down the stairs. Do something!! And then keep doing it. One simple act of kindness can set off an entire chain reaction. This video will make you smile. Share it.
10- Clear the clutter. Closets. Dressers. Bedrooms. Mental. Spiritual. Clear it all. Throw away garbage. LET GO (#8) of the past and make room for your present and future. Donate items that you can do without. Move on from relationships that are tainted with negativity. Give yourself room to breathe. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel after doing so.
11- Set goals. And stick to them. Then set smaller goals. And then continue to revisit your initial goals. But be flexible. Too confusing? It really isn’t. We are constantly adapting to the course our life takes and while we might have ideal goals in mind that we would like to achieve, sometimes our lives take a sudden twist that no longer make that initial goal possible. This is where your small goals come in to play. Think of them as smaller pieces of your overall goal- things that you can do over time, bit-by-bit during this period of difficulty that still allow you to work towards the big one. Then, when it is most opportune, see if you are any closer to achieving that big goal. Keep revising. Keep setting goals. Keep reflecting. Be flexible.
There is so much more that I’ve learned about myself over the last five years and while I still might be trying to figure some things out, I’m enjoying my life and the person I have found within me.
My thirtieth birthday is one of celebration. Celebrating my accomplishments. Remembering how far I’ve come. Toasting to all that is still left to come in my future. And to all that I will achieve. It is a time for being thankful for the wonderful family I am a part of and for being grateful to the friends I have made.
Cheers to a fabulous and dirty 30!
Love. Mud. Run. Lift 